First Do No Harm
by anodynia
Summary: The first chapter of my first fanfic. Later chapters will concentrate on family life: will Cuddy be able to adopt Rachel while dating an addict? Will she have to choose between her child and her lover? Possibly AU, Rachel's adoption is not yet final.
1. Chapter 1

This is my first fic, please review? It starts out with Cuddy and Lucas but will be all Huddy in later chapters, with a focus on how their relationship affects Rachel. Also, English is not my first language so if you find any mistakes, please tell me!

Lucas had just managed to get Rachel to sleep when he heard the front door open. He hurried down the corridor, ready to warn Cuddy about any loud noises but the words died on his tongue when he saw how tired her eyes were, how defeated her posture. He had heard about the crane accident, of course, not only was it all over the news but it was what had destroyed their plans for a nice dinner celebrating their engagement as well, the nice steaks he'd bought still sitting in the fridge and the wine uncorked. He still hadn't thought it would affect Cuddy this badly, however. Stupid of him. Her sad look made him want to give her a hug but something warned him against it, so he just made a weak "welcome home" instead.

"Lucas, hi. Where's Marina?"

He actually had called the babysitter earlier, but she had already made plans for her rare night off. He explained this to Cuddy. "So, when she couldn't come over, I decided to stay with Rachel instead. I fed her, she took a nap and then we looked at that picture book I bought her, though she seemed more interested in tearing the pages off than flipping them." For a moment he could've sworn he saw tears in her eyes, but she quickly turned her head and pointed out that Rachel was under a year old so tearing books was pretty normal. Her tone was light but he could definitely sense that something wasn't right here. He was about to ask her about it when she suddenly announced she was going to go wash the grit out of her hair and scrambled to the bathroom.

Lucas had spent too much time with Cuddy to not be able to tell she wasn't in the mood for talking, so while she was in the shower he made some popcorn and found on TiVo today's episode of her favorite show she'd missed while working at the crane site. She came out in her bathrobe and sat down next to him on the couch, urging him to press play. They sat wordlessly, not even commenting on the glaring mediocrity of the acting until the credits started rolling.

"Somebody died today." He was startled by her sudden declaration, and wasn't sure what to say. "I know. A lot of people died." It was redundant and he knew it, but it would have to do. There was a pause before she got the courage to answer. "Yes, but only one of them was House's patient. Hannah." He sighed. So that was what this was about. He should have guessed. "How is he?" He did actually care, as strange as it was. House had been, if not a friend to him, at least an interesting acquaintance. It was her turn to sigh. "Not that good, apparently. He told Foreman to piss off when he asked how he was doing." Lucas snorted. "What else is new?"

Cuddy fell silent again.

Lucas reached for the remote and flipped channels until he found something both of them could tolerate: Discovery channel. They spent a while learning about the mating habits of deep sea fish, until Cuddy spoke up again. "Lucas, I…"

"If it's about House I really don't want to hear it", Lucas snapped. "It's not." Cuddy's voice had a note of regret in it. "It's about us. I don't think this will work." Lucas stiffened. "You want to break off the engagement? After one day?" Cuddy nodded and cast her eyes down. "What about the house we bought? And Rachel? And… You know you'll never be happy with him, right?" Her eyes welled up with tears again. "I know," she whispered. Lucas felt his anger melt away, and his heart filled up with defeat instead. He lifted his hand to her cheek. "But I love you." He didn't really expect it to mean anything now. His hand fell back down and he turned away. "Well, go, then." His voice was gruff. "I'll stay and look after Rachel."

Cuddy got up instantly and made her way to the door. She grabbed her coat and car keys and turned back to face Lucas. He was looking down at his hands. She was going to say something but thought better of it, and stepped out in to the cold.

She found him sitting in the floor in his bathroom, a shattered mirror all around him and two small pills on the palm of his hand. She had guessed today would finally break him, but for once knowing she had been right didn't make her feel any better. She had made a short detour to the hospital, not only to pick up some supplies for his wound but also to change out of her bathrobe into a set of pink scrubs, since barging in to his house half naked could give the wrong impression. Now she wish she hadn't, since if he had already taken some of the pills he'd never believe she was actually there. She wandered if her getting there a bit earlier would have changed the situation, but since she had no way of knowing how long he had been just sitting there on the floor she decided not to dwell on it. Besides, she could tell from the obvious pain he was in that it was unlikely he'd already had some Vicodin in his system, since his tolerance for the stuff was gone from a year of abstinence. That thought was what stopped her from just taking them from his hand. "He can do this," she thought. That's why, when he asked, she just told him it was a choice he had to make for himself.

"Just so you know I find it hard to see the downside," he said. There was a bitter note in his voice, and she wanted to ask him why he hadn't just taken them already in that case. Since that would just lead to another fight, she told him she had to re-bandage his shoulder. He jumped to the conclusion that Foreman had sent her, which would've been amusing in any other situation. Now she just told him no. "You're here to yell at me again?" Both the words and his voice sounded childlike, vulnerable. Another no. "Well then I'm running out of ideas." She was a bit shocked: were those really the only reasons he could imagine her coming to him for? Then again, she hadn't exactly given him much hope today. Had worked to take away as much of it as she could, to be precise. She had thought she was being kind, towards both of them, but it did make this a lot more difficult. "Lucas…" He interrupted her, jumping to conclusions as usual. "Oh great, you're feeling uncomfortable again. Probably means you just got back from a quickie wedding in Vegas or you're already pregnant -"

"I ended it," she said, abruptly. For the first time he lifted his eyes to her face, his face an almost comical expression of surprise. Being able to surprise him gave her some satisfaction, even in this situation. Especially in this situation. "I'm stuck, House." His expression stayed the same during her little explanation, his emotions too battered to actually accept that this was a real chance for happiness. "I just wanted to know if you and I could work," she admitted at last. His eyes left hers and focused on the opposite wall. "You think I can fix myself?" She wasn't sure if it was a question, but she answered honestly anyway. "I don't know."

"'Cause I'm the most screwed up person in the world." She smiled a little. "I know."

"I love you." He was staring at her. "I wish I didn't. But I can't help it." She couldn't lie to him, but it didn't seem to matter. His eyes were wide, unbelieving. He tried to get up, then sighed and reached out his hand. She pulled him up to herself. Their kiss was cautious, questioning. He still couldn't quite believe this was happening. "How do I know I'm not hallucinating?"

"Did you take the Vicodin?" She had felt the pills in his hand when she pulled him to her from the floor. "Nope." He let the pills fall from his grasp.


	2. Chapter 2

Cuddy rested her head on his chest, for once thankful of her own lack of height that let her so easily hear his heartbeat. They had been standing there for a while now, just enjoying the closeness. She was surprised House had nothing to say, he was very rarely speechless. Maybe he was afraid to break the spell, of saying the wrong thing. Or maybe he was just content enough to stay silent. Her musing was stopped by his sudden flinch and a change in his heartbeat, small enough that she wouldn't have even noticed if he wasn't so close. She guessed it was his leg acting up again, annoyed at the audacity of him standing for too long after the day they'd had. She straightened and grabbed his hand.

"C'mon, let's get you cleaned up," she said, smiling. She sat him down on the edge of the bathtub and turned the water on. Then she told him to take off his shirt. His eyes shone with amusement but he managed to keep the lewd comment to himself, which she appreciated, especially since she had just planned to check the cut on his shoulder and change the old bandage. She pulled the blood-soaked fabric off carefully, but he still felt a twinge of pain when it tore some of the newly formed scab with it. She then retrieved her kit, soaked a swab in disinfectant and cautiously cleaned the wound. It looked angry and red, but she hoped it wouldn't get infected, especially if he let her keep an eye on it. After cleaning both the wound and the surrounding area, she patched him back up with a new bandage. They would have to try and keep it from not getting too wet in the bath, but that shouldn't be too much of a problem. The tub was full, so she told him to take off his trousers and kneeled to help him with his socks, knowing that they could get problematic with a sore shoulder and leg. She then got rid of the scrubs she was wearing while he slid in the tub. She told him to close his eyes and started shampooing his hair.

After his hair was free of the dust and blood it was crusted with, she took a sponge and some bodywash and began washing the rest of him, carefully avoiding any cuts or scrapes. Some of the places she touched still made him inhale sharply while his eyes flutter shut, but she didn't think that was necessarily due to pain… After he was sufficiently cleansed, she helped him up and passed him his cane. He reached out for her with his free hand and together they made their way to the bedroom.

She left for home early next morning, since she had to change and wanted to be present when the babysitter got there. Lucas had been awake when she got there and left without a word. She woke Rachel up for her morning bottle and some bonding time before she had to hand her over to Marina and hurry to get herself presentable. She told the babysitter not to let Lucas in were he to appear, and the older woman lifted her eyebrows but accepted this without a word.

Going to work was far less awkward than she thought, even if she did have to go tell Wilson that if House mentioned anything he wasn't hallucinating again. "B- Buh… What?" was Wilson's exact reaction to her declaration she had finally slept with House, and would be doing so in the future as well. She left his office before he could recover. He stumbled out when she was entering the elevator, she shot him a brief smile and saw him turn around and head for the Department of Diagnostics instead.

House was busy with a new case, but did stumble in to her office a few times during the day, always equipped with some sarcastic comment but mostly to stare at her in shy amazement. He didn't even ask for a brain biopsy. (Of course, the patient's problems had no neurological association but that had never stopped him before. Sometimes she thought he just had a fascination with brains and wanted to know how many parts of them he could stick a needle into without doing permanent damage.)

She was just about to call her babysitter to tell her she was coming home early when House appeared at the doorway. He looked hesitant so she decided to be the first to speak. "Do you want to come to my place for dinner tonight?" His smile reached his eyes for once. "If you have something besides breast milk and alphabet spaghetti," he quipped. "There might be some vegetable puree somewhere in the freezer, I promise to dig it out just for you. Besides, Rachel's on formula." She could tell he was about to make some comment about her breasts when her phone rang. Her relief was short lived though: it was Marina.

"Ms Cuddy, I just thought I'd notify you that you got a call from the child protective services. They want to do another house visit."


	3. Chapter 3

House saw Cuddy go pale. He had no idea what was going on, not being able to hear the other side of the conversation, but whatever it was it surely didn't look good. His mind was racing, trying to tie together pieces of the puzzle in front of him. Finally Cuddy put the phone down and rested her hand in her heads. "Something wrong with Rachel?" he asked casually, not showing much concern. Sometimes she hated him for that, but at least he was asking. "I have to call Lucas." She saw the disappointment on his face and hurried to explain. "Someone has called the social services on me. The only people who know are Lucas and WIlson, and… your team?" House shook his head. "I haven't told them. It's none of their business anyway. And it couldn't have been Wilson." Cuddy had reached the same conclusion: there were a lot of adjectives one could use to describe Wilson, but pure malice wasn't one of them and he's never do something like this unless he thought a child was in direct danger. She reached for the phone again.

"Lucas."

"Lisa. How was your night?" The younger man's voice sounded bitter, even over the tinny phone line.

"Why did you call the CPS on me?"

Lucas laughed. "What?"

"You heard me the first time."

"_Somebody_ called the CPS on you. Why do you think it was me?"

"There's no-one else it could've been."

"Are you quite sure about that? I know a certain someone who's not that keen on being a father figure…" Cuddy's eyes widened and she fixed her gaze on House, whose blue eyes answered her unwaveringly. She slowly put the phone back down. "He says it was you."

"I guessed, your face made it pretty obvious. Well, it wasn't." His voice had took on a hurt tone. "His trying to get you back by making you doubt me, and from what I can tell it doesn't take that much." He turned his back on her and started limping towards the door.

"House, wait." The injured man stopped but did not turn around. "I know what he's doing, and I won't let it work. But you have to admit it does sound plausible." Usually appealing to his logical side worked quite well.

House sighed. "Maybe it does. I*m a jerk. But not that much of a jerk." He turned back to face Cuddy. "I think you're a good mother. As much as I bother you about it. I don't think I'd make a good father figure, but I'm willing to try, and if I screwed that up as well I'd still want to try with you. I would not do this you, or the brat." She rolled her eyes a bit. He didn't seem capable of using Rachel's name even when he was being sincere. But, at least he admitted his short-comings. She stifled the nagging doubt in her mind, but couldn't chase it away completely.

"So, veggie puree is still on?"

They left separately to prolong their avoidance of the inevitable hospital gossip, but when her car rolled out of the parking area his motorcycle followed her. She had told him to use a car or bus until his shoulder had healed, but he had apparently ignored the advice. Again. It should've annoyed her but tonight it just made her smile.

The babysitter's disapproval of her taste in men was quite visible, but she left without a comment. House was grinning when she shut the door behind her. "So, you want to tarnish the innocence of babes? And by babes I actually mean your child." He leered at her. "I have to disappoint you, Rachel is having a nap right now. But, that does mean we have at least half an hour of peace and quiet…" House pouted a bit while snaking his arms around her waist, which did take some credibility out of it. "Aww, but I wanted to cause life-long traumas." "You can cause some to me instead." She regretted the words as soon as she saw his devilish grin. "Agreed."

"House -" His kiss made her lose her track of thought and they barely got out of their clothes before they made it to the living room couch.

About an hour later she snuck out from next to his sleeping form to go comfort her daughter, who had just woken up and started to cry. She changed her soggy diaper and sat her down in her playpen. Her happy cooing woke House up, and he gave his sore leg a vigorous rub and made her swear not to let him fall asleep on the sofa again. They started to rummage through her fridge for something to eat and then ended up just ordering pizza since she had forgotten to get more groceries. Lucas had usually taken care of that since she rarely came home in time to go shopping. She read Rachel a story while they were waiting, though House commented on her being too young to actually understand it. The child stared at him, curious but too shy to go closer to this strange man. Cuddy felt a twinge in her heart: Lucas had been the only father she had known, and she wasn't too young to realize the difference. When the pizzas finally arrived she got some utensils from the kitchen and then they ate them on the couch while judging the shortcomings in the logic of the bad thriller they were watching. Sometime during the night Rachel fell asleep on her arms and she carefully carried her back to her bed. Then she just stood there, watching her daughter suck her thumb in her sleep. Tears came to her eyes. How could anyone try to take this away from her? And could she really say she didn't deserve it?


	4. Chapter 4

Cuddy finished putting things in to their assigned cupboards in the bathroom. She had decided to go ahead with the move, since the house was in her name anyway and Rachel would need more space very soon. (Besides, since last time House thought they'd slept together he had suggested moving in together the very next day, Cuddy couldn't completely ignore that possibility either.) She thanked again whatever force it had been that had made her sign the deed in just her name, not hers and Lucas's. Back then they had justified it with her being able to get a mortgage much more easily, since to a bank being a Dean of Medicine did sound a lot more lucrative than a Private Investigator. Now she thought it could also partly have been her own uncertainty about the amount of commitment she was wiling to make, to Lucas at least. She pushed the idea out of her mind and picked up the bottle of vitamins at the bottom of the cardboard box, reaching for the medicine cupboard. Having opened the safety latch, she froze. A bottle of Vicodin sat innocently at the shelf, with the words 'Gregory House' clearly visible on it.

She stared at it for a few minutes, then closed the cupboard again, the vitamins still in her hand. She reached for the bottle of prescription medication, thinking of a way to dispose of it safely before the CPS arrived. At least she no longer had any doubt in her mind about who had called the Child Services on her. Right now, though, she had to concentrate on getting through the inquiry alive.

The social worker was scribbling down notes furiously on his notepad. He had frowned a bit at the amount of things still in boxes littering the floor, but since the only excuse Cuddy had given for pushing this inquiry this far ahead had been the move, she wasn't too worried about that. Rachel was sleeping peacefully at the next door, her bedroom completely furnished, not a box in sight. Luckily she had no idea that her future with her Mommy might be at stake, since she probably wouldn't have settled down for her nap quite as easily were that the case. The man whose decision everything depended on stopped his scribbling and lifted his eyes to hers. "Everything looks to be in order, Dr. Cuddy, but that's not exactly why I'm here," he started. Cuddy sighed a bit. "I know."

"We got a very alarming phone call, as you're probably aware. Concerning your current relationship." Cuddy stayed silent, forcing the man to continue. He didn't look too pleased about this. "The caller implied that this man you're involved with has addiction problems -"

"_Had _addiction problems," Cuddy interrupted. The man raised his eyebrow. "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap. But, yes, Greg did have an issue with Vicodin, which, by the way, had been prescribed to him for a valid medical reason. He has been off them for a year now though, after spending some time at an inpatient treatment facility for his addiction. All he's on now is Ibuprofen." God, she had made House sound like some sort of a saint. The social worker seemed impressed though. "I have drug test results to back it up."

"I don't think that will be necessary, at least at this stage," the man said quickly. He looked at her sympathetically. "Unfortunately there will be a mark in your record and the adoption will have to be postponed." Cuddy felt hot tears rise to her eyes. She had been so close. "You will stay as her foster parent, and I'll do another check up in six months. If there aren't any problems, you'll be able to finalize the adoption then. Now, I still need to check the kitchen." She hoped he wouldn't look in the rubbish bin. She couldn't think of any place to hide, so she had just buried it underneath all the torn packing material and taken the bag outside. Now she thought that even the empty bin could, in some weird way, incriminate her and make him take away her baby.

After the social worker left without an incident she curled on the sofa and cried. She couldn't believe she had been so stupid. But then again, how could they trust her ability to parent Rachel, when at times she wasn't even sure if she did?

"Lucas."

Cuddy inhaled deeply before finding the strength to talk. "I know it was you."

"It was me what?" God, he sounded so innocent.

"You called the CPS on me. You put Vicodin in my medicine cabinet. You put off my being able to legally adopt my child by another six months." She could hear her voice getting more shrill as she went on.

"You know, I'm sure I can think of somebody _else in your life _who has more problems with prescription painkillers than I ever have." There was a distinct note of bitterness in his voice, but it didn't make her any less pissed off.

"Don't even try to blame this on House. He hasn't even been to the apartment yet." All she could hear was stunned silence, then the muttered words 'some boyfriend'. She felt the need to defend him, even though she thought that having an excuse not to help with the move was at least part of the reason he had volunteered to take his current case. "He and his team are trying to diagnose a group of school kids with what looks like a very serious infection. So they've all been in the hospital for the past four days. _Under quarantine._" She put extra weight at the last two words. Lucas didn't say anything.

"I'm going to be changing the locks, and if you do something like this again, I'll get a restraining order _and_ report you to the Board of Private Investigators." She was also going to get a door chain and alarms for the windows, but she wasn't going to tell him that. Cuddy knew she'd never feel completely safe in the house again, but the last thing she wanted to do was to tell him that as well. Besides, she wanted to have all the upper hand she could. She waited for Lucas to say something, but when he didn't, she just slowly put the receiver down and rested her head in her hands.

"They didn't tell us they had gone skinny dipping!" House exclaimed victoriously. She'd gotten a call from the hospital saying that they released the quarantine a bit earlier, but her assistant hadn't told her what the actual diagnosis was. The doorbell had rang just a few minutes earlier, and House hadn't shut up about the case since. Apparently the kids had contracted amoebic meningoencephalitis while on their trip in Europe, and had just been too scared to spill on their secret for anyone to realize what was causing their symptoms until now. Not that the diagnosis was necessarily such a good thing, since the disease was pretty much untreatable at this stage. House seemed completely oblivious to this fact. "But then I noticed that one of them had a bug bite on her chest, which would've been covered by a swimsuit -" His eyes grew wide as she suddenly pulled him into a deep kiss. "What was that for? I mean, I know I'm a genius but -" She smiled and interrupted him. "House… Shut up," she said, pulling him down on the sofa.


End file.
